Should love be a guessing game? May 27, 2009

Commentary on the song Poker Face ( by Lady Gaga)

Lyrics and Video

We all seek meaningful relationships. Sadly, relationships (and friendships) have become a (poker)game. It is awful to enter into relationships purely by ‘luck’ and ‘intution’. And then, we keep the other person guessing. We love to keep it that way. We don’t want to reveal our ‘real’ face and ‘real’ intentions. we play the game of love with the poker face.

Sadly, we get see relationships through a hurt perspective. Pain colours our vision. Makes us shrink on the inside. Makes us withhold ourselves. We want to enter into a meaningful relationship and yet we want to withold ourselves. We don’t confess our love because we know it one big bluff. We like to have it as ‘game’and keep everyone guessing. We deny ourselves of true love, for what is love if it isnt real, excellent and delightful. When we deceive others we deceive ourselves too.

The hurts and aches (of failed love) we carry is addictive. We enter relationships wanting it to be ‘rough’. We honestly believe, “when it’s love if it’s not rough it isn’t fun, fun”. The more we deny ourselves love, the more we hurt ourselves. And the more we hurt ourselves, we lose the ability to love. It’s a vicious circle.

The poker face is no help at all. Love is self-giving. Of course, you become vulnerable within the relationship but if its a relationship of trust you find love, you find a new you (a me-in-relationship). There’s a lot of difference between ‘life’ and ‘play’. A poker face is of no help if you are seeking love – that is real, excellent and delightful.

Conversations

1) What is this song about?
2) Why do people rely on ‘luck’ , ‘intuition’ and ‘manipulation’ to enter into relationships?
3) “And baby when it’s love if it’s not rough it isn’t fun, fun”. Do you agree with this! Why?
4) “No he can’t read my poker face”. Can this deception lead to self deception? Why?
5) What did you (dis)like about the song? Why?

There’s more to life than a crush – crash and crutches January 14, 2009

You have spent more time on the tree than on solid ground

There’s more to you than this obsession

- Tom Fairchild in Sabrina (1995)

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Sabrina (1995) is the story of Sabrina Fairchild, the daughter of the Larrabee family chauffeur.The Larrabees are wealthy and own a family business. While she was growing up, Sabrina Fairchild (played by Julia Ormond) spends more time perched in a tree, not just watching the Larrabee family but dreaming of David Larrabee falling in love with her (the crush).

For most of her life Sabrina was invisible behind the branches and spending her life lost in her fantasy. For the Larrabees (most importantly for David), Sabrina is just a daughter of the chauffeur.

As she is heart broken when her dream shatters into a thousand pieces (the crash), Tom Fairchild (her father) tells her (and us): ” You have spent more time on the tree than on solid ground”. How Insightful and perceptive! We follow our dreams, even if they are unrealistic. We are lost in our fantasy and we forget to live. It’s easy to get lost in a fantasy. But, when we come down crashing it hurts and we get broken inside. Tom Fairchild’s words come to us as the voice of truth. We must let go our fantasy and get on in life. There’s more to life than our fantasies. There’s more to us than our obsessions.

Sabrina finds life as she let’s go her fantasy and moves to Paris where she learns precious life-lessons standing on solid ground. Interestingly, the ordinary Sabrina returns to the Larrabee estate as a mature person.

Questions for reflection

1) why is it easy to be lost in the dream world? Why is it difficult to let go our obsessions even if they hurt us?
2) What does it take to realize that there’s more to life than our obsession? Is there value then in our crash-landing experiences?

3) It hurts to let go our obsessions, and more so if we have lived with them for a long time. We look for answers in the familiar and the immediate. Is an escape to somewhere a solution? What do you think Paris did for Sabrina?

4) Tom Fairchild becomes the voice of truth to Sabrina. Truth hurts. When we become the voice of truth, we are often ruthless and we end of truthless. Tom Fairchild is gentle, compassionate and respectful. How do you think this helped Sabrina in her transformation?